


The Time Tiger and Bunny Didn't Meet: Happy Birthday, Barnaby Brooks Jr.!

by pocketbookangel



Category: Tiger & Bunny
Genre: Animals, Birthday Party, Cake, Gen, Humor, Pre-Canon, Robots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-10
Updated: 2012-06-10
Packaged: 2017-11-07 10:41:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/430174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pocketbookangel/pseuds/pocketbookangel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set 8 years before Tiger & Bunny. Barnaby isn't excited about the hero business, so Maverick decides to throw him a hero themed birthday party, featuring special guest Wild Tiger. Unfortunately, Maverick isn't very good at planning parties, Rotwang isn't very good at being sane, and Wild Tiger isn't very good with technology.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Time Tiger and Bunny Didn't Meet: Happy Birthday, Barnaby Brooks Jr.!

Maverick set down his copy of  _Parenting Power: The Teen Years!_  and sighed deeply. Almost every parenting book he'd read offered the same advice: be consistent, set boundaries, listen. He was an expert at setting boundaries. The boundary between his home life and his work was so high and impregnable it could be seen by satellites. Consistency was more of a problem. He couldn’t very well say, stop looking for the man who murdered your parents, while at the same time encouraging Barnaby to become a hero in order to seek revenge. Recently, Barnaby's attitude towards the hero business had become disturbingly cynical.

“A calling? At least it pays well," Barnaby had said.

“It’s not a crime to be comfortable, Barnaby. Despite what politicians say it’s not a crime to be rich.” Thanks to his excellent boundary setting skills, Maverick had managed to forget that he had committed crimes in order to be rich, so his conscience was clear. He clicked on the file labeled  _Wild Tiger_  . As he waited for it to download, he considered his brilliant idea, one of his many brilliant ideas. Barnaby wasn't excited about being a hero because he didn't know how cool it would be. What he needed was a hero themed birthday party. Not some neighborhood teenager in a cape and a mask, but the real thing. Wild Tiger wasn't the most popular hero, but his power was the same as Barnaby's and a hero stage show, designed to show off the Hundred Power’s possibilities, would be inspiring. There would also be cake. A Mr. Legend cake would be exactly the kind of thing to appeal to teenagers.




Maverick studied the Wild Tiger file. Married, baby—he would need the money and wouldn’t balk at performing for a birthday party. New dads never turned down a chance for tax-free cash. He opened the script he'd ordered. The current version was a collaboration between two playwrights and a producer at Hero TV. He knew the heroes he’d sent it to would love it.

\----------

“I can’t do this!” Pink Diamond tossed Maverick’s script at Stealth Soldier, who caught it easily. “I don’t care how much the old guy is paying. And why aren’t you in this thing?” While Stealth Soldier was known for his subtly effective ways of capturing criminals, Pink Diamond was known for red hair and a costume that looked like the result of a forbidden tryst between an emu and a disco ball.  _Hero Monthly_  often described her as "Amazonian;" sometimes it was a compliment, sometimes it wasn't.

“Maverick knows better than to ask me to do anything extra,” Stealth Soldier said.

“Yeah, yeah, don’t start talking about how close you are to retirement, it’s not lucky. I’m kind of surprised Tiger agreed to do a show. He takes the Hero business so seriously. I guess babies are expensive.”

“There's a tiger cub at home? How do women find out these things?”

“I offered to show him my new move, Pink Diamond Squeeze, but he thought I was flirting and ran away. He kept squawking about his wife and baby, anyway NMT.”

Stealth Soldier didn’t ask what NMT meant. One week until retirement. It would be nice to not worry about appealing to young people or even talking to them.

“I wonder if Tiger got a new communicator.” Pink Diamond held up the blocky plastic watch, pink and white to match her costume, “Get me Wild Tiger.” It beeped obligingly, and dialed the Wild Tiger Safari Experience. "Wild Tiger," she said clearly, and it promptly connected her to White Tiger Antiques and then to the Tiger Balm manufacturing plant.

Stealth Soldier grabbed the communicator before she could throw it across the room. “Kotetsu T. Kaburagi,” he said.

“I pushed the button, is something supposed to happen? Hello?” Kotetsu’s voice emerged from the tiny speaker. “Ben, is that you?”

“Pink Diamond here. Are you doing the Hero TV party? Hello? Can you hear me?”

They shouted hello at each other for a while before giving up.

Kotetsu pushed a button he hoped was "off." It was marked “off,” but there was a large gap between what the communicator was supposed to do and what it actually did.

\----------

Keeping an eye on Rotwang’s progress was necessary, but Maverick disliked visiting the robotics lab. Rotwang seemed to think his visits were social, not professional, so he would insist on tea, tiny sandwiches, and conversation before showing his latest research. It was annoying, especially since Rotwang could talk for hours about his pet subjects: robots, the superiority of robots, and gardening. Maverick would drink his tea and patiently endure Rotwang’s less-than-subtle hints about how an army of miniature robots would be the ideal solution for the urban gardener’s war against hornworms if only some idealistic billionaire would fund it. 

“I don’t know why you’re so insistent on Barnaby becoming a hero. He should come work with me in my lab I’m sure he’d love the chance to continue his parents legacy.”

“Now is not the right time.” It would never be the right time, as far as Maverick was concerned.

“I always say you’re a man of vision,” Rotwang said, even though he never said anything like that, in fact, his lab assistants were used to long monologues on the subject of Maverick’s short-sightedness when it came to funding and how he constantly under estimated the vast power under Rotwang’s control. “And as a man of vision, I’m sure you can see that Barnaby would be much better off here, working to create The Future.”

“Barnaby will come here when the time is right,” Maverick said. And in that Glorious Future, Barnaby will control the robots, and I will control Barnaby, he thought. Although their visions for The Future were different and didn't include each other, Rotwang and Maverick shared a love of excessive capitalization.

\----------

Barnaby moodily tossed prawn crackers at the ducks in the Hero Academy pond. He'd promised Mr. Maverick he would meet the professors and tour the library, but that was all. A stray protein bar wrapper caught in the ornamental rocks claimed to be “fit for a Legend.” Mr. Legend’s image was everywhere on campus, which was strange considering he'd never been a student, and it was doubtful that he'd even graduated from any school. It was a reminder that a row of Superiors across a Hero Academy report card didn't guarantee a spot on TV. At this point, Hero TV employed more graduates of Hero Academy behind the scenes than they did in front of the camera. Spending a couple of years running through obstacle courses and being nice to people didn’t seem like it would bring him any closer to finding justice. And now Mr. Maverick was using his birthday as an excuse to show off for his rich friends and make deals. Barnaby didn't need to be there for that. When he was an adult, there would be no birthday nonsense, especially when there wasn't anything to celebrate. Barnaby tossed the last of the crackers into the pond, and almost smiled as one pinkish cluster bounced off the back of an indignant mallard.

\----------

After leaving Rotwang with very strict instructions about the new operating system, Maverick returned to his office to meet with Wild Tiger. Other than some reluctance at using his real Hundred Power in the stage show, “what if something happens and I need it?” Wild Tiger was excited about performing at the party.

“I want you to do this show because I want Barnaby to see what his power can do. I want him to see that it can be controlled. There have been some incidents recently,” Maverick’s use of the word incident was deliberately vague, “and I think he’s become afraid.”

“Don’t worry. I think little Billy will see how cool it is to be a hero even if I don’t use my power.”

“Maybe. I’m glad you liked the script. Pink Diamond had some complaints about the dialogue.” Pink Diamond's complaints about the dialogue had taken up most of his secretary's  _while you were out_  memo pad.

“Really? I think it’s great!   _Nothing can outrun the wild roar of righteousness_.” He flipped through the highlighted pages. “ _My Hundred Power brings 100 times the justice._ I think that really gets the point across.”

“I’m glad.”

“Is it OK if I just come for the show? It is Halloween and my wife is taking our kid trick or treating. I don’t know why, she's too young for candy, but my wife is really excited and made costumes for all of us. She’ll understand if I have to work, but—”

“Don’t worry about it.” Maverick was feeling generous thanks to Wild Tiger's genuine appreciation for the script. Finally, someone who understood his vision for what a hero show should be. “Just keep your communicator on; someone will contact you about an hour before it starts.”

\----------

Rotwang was not happy about Maverick’s attitude, but he had a plan. He would show them, show them all!

“I don’t know, man, we could cover it in fondant, but it’s not gonna be edible.”

Rotwang cackled gleefully, which the baker took as a yes.

\----------

Late afternoon sunlight bounced off the façade of the Sternbild Royal Imperial Hotel and blinded the guests as they arrived for Barnaby's birthday party. They were a mixture of boldface names and people who owed Maverick favors; not many of Barnaby’s classmates had managed to attend. Although the invitation had suggested a charitable donation to the orphanage where Barnaby had stayed while the estate was in arbitration in lieu of presents, brightly wrapped boxes had accumulated on the tables conveniently located near the door. Barnaby was popular with Maverick’s colleagues. He was quiet and polite, with just enough of a sad background to make him interesting. The Brooks family that had been well known in the city for generations, and some of Barnaby's more oddly-named ancestors could still be seen smiling down from portraits in dusty libraries.

\----------

Tomoe’s home economics teacher had once told her the apron she’d sewed in class demonstrated enthusiasm and a cheerful heart. Words of praise such as “good” or “skillful” would have been a lie. The baby tiger costume she’d made for Kaede showed heart and enthusiasm, and even the iciest critic would have to admit that the yellow and black hood, with one ear pointing north and east, and the other drooping to the south, added to her cuteness. Tomoe herself wasn’t wearing a Halloween costume even though she’d purchased two costumes earlier in the day. There had been a “buy one get one free” offer which meant she didn’t have to choose between naughty nurse and sexy elf. Once Kotetsu finished his party and Kaede was safely in her crib, Nurse Tomoe would offer him a “sexy” checkup followed by “sexy” treatment. The elf could wait for his birthday.

“ _Oh, Wild Tiger, now that I’ve seen your power, I want to be stronger, too!_ ” Tomoe paused. “I’ve only seen her on TV, but I can’t picture Pink Diamond saying this. Sorry,  _I want to be stronger too_.”

“ _A hero’s real strength isn’t his power, it’s his heart._ That’s a great line, isn’t it?”

“It is! Listen to your papa, Kaede, he’s a true hero.”

“Papa,” Kaede giggled.

Kotetsu looked at his wrist. The communicator had been worryingly silent. As much as he wanted to be with Tomoe and Kaede, maybe it would be better if he went and checked out the party rather than waiting for a call.

\----------

Maverick proudly steered Barnaby through the crowd of Sternbild’s elite. These were people he would need in the future if Maverick's plans were to succeed. First, Barnaby would be King of Heroes, then politics—nothing was impossible for his photogenic protégé.

“Good to see you Maverick, where is the boy? I simply cannot believe little Barnaby is already 16,” Sternbild's mayor announced. “It seems like yesterday I was at Emily’s wedding.” The mayor of Sternbild was very old and very used to undivided attention when she talked. “My late husband and I gave them a Delft cow creamer that had been in his family for generations. What ever happened to it?”

“We use it every day,” Barnaby said. Years of attending Maverick’s parties had taught him that “what the hell are you talking about” was not considered an appropriate answer even when it was the correct one.

The mayor smiled indulgently at Barnaby. “How long until your Hero TV debut?” she asked.

“I need to finish high school first.”

“You could be a part-time hero. Time-management skills, that’s what you need. If you young people didn’t spend so much time playing video games and sexting you could accomplish so much.” Barnaby wanted to turn around to see if a gaming, sexting teenager was standing behind him; instead, he allowed her to drag him off to be introduced to the man she’d picked as their party’s nominee in the next election.

\----------

“Looks like somebody got pulled out of the chorus,” Pink Diamond said as she handed a script to Rock Bison.

“Huh?”

“Your buddy didn’t show, so you’d better get dressed. Don’t worry about the script, I’ll do all the talking, you just stand there and look manly.”

“Yeah?”

“This is how it starts: right after sunset, the lights go down, fireworks go off above the stage, we pose like this.” She posed, and Rock Bison was too transfixed to do anything besides mumble another yeah. He’d been working up the courage for months to ask her out, and now that he had the chance to say why don’t we get drinks after the show, he was reduced to monosyllables by the costume she’d put on “to give the birthday boy a treat.”

\----------

The man Rock Bison had spoken to earlier had arrived exactly at the promised time to set up the wild animal cage. Although he resented rich people and their whims, if they wanted a tiger for their parties, he’d tiger them up. It didn’t seem right, fundamental lack of respect, setting up these noble and powerful animals to be gawked at, but what could you do? He waved at the tiger, then went to look for the piles of free sandwiches that could usually be found at these kinds of events.

The tiger yawned as he watched the men talking outside his cage. He tended to divide the world into food and not-food, and these men were probably in the second category. They did not look delicious at all. But, that thing the other humans were carrying, a giant man made of sugar, that could be worthy prey.

“We’re not bringing the cake out until after the Hero Show,” Maverick said. “We’re going to bring it out on stage so everyone can see it before Barnaby cuts the first slice.”

“It should come out before the Hero Show. It’s too special to wait,” Rotwang said. He did his best not to cackle. Mr. Maverick had never understood his sense of humor.

“Of course it’s special, we made Mr. Legend,” the baker said proudly. They all studied the cake shaped like the man who had single-handedly made Hero TV a must-watch program.

“It looks very much like him,” Maverick said. And so it did. He hadn’t imagined something so realistic when he ordered the cake. Mr. Legend the cake looked disturbingly like Mr. Legend the man. Maverick had wanted a primary colored cartoon on a sheet cake, giving Barnaby a cheerful thumbs up. As he stared at the baked reproduction, he realized he should have sat down with Mr. Legend all those years ago and had that difficult conversation about buying a bigger waistcoat.

“We can’t serve that to our guests, it’s horrible,” Mr. Maverick said.

“What are you talking about? It’s perfect! Glorious!” Rotwang and the baker protested.

Maverick couldn’t tear his eyes away from the enormous cake. It grinned at him with far more teeth than a cake should have. “I thought you didn’t like Mr. Legend? Didn’t you once call him obsolete?”

“He is! I have made him obsolete!” Rotwang triumphantly raised a remote control and pushed its big red button.

Above their heads, a rocket exploded in green and pink fire.  The show was starting.

“And now, brought to you by Apollon Media and OBC Broadcasting, with the support of Top Mag and Odyssey Communications and with additional funding by Sternbild Designs, Tomorrow's Houses, Yesterday's Prices, and Nutella, making life a little sweeter, it’s Hero TV live!”

\----------

“Look, Kaede, it’s so pretty!” Kotetsu held up his daughter so she could see the fireworks Most of them were blocked by the immense Royal Imperial Hotel.

“Were the fireworks supposed to happen before or after the show?” Tomoe asked.

They watched the green and pink sparkles fade into smoke. “That’s not good,” Kotetsu said. “I’m going to go look for Mr. Maverick.”

\----------

One of Rotwang’s failings as an engineer was his inability to focus on details. If, instead of spending so much of his mental energy trying not to cackle in front of his boss, he had taken the time to look at the remote control in his hand, he would have noticed it was clearly marked “portable tiger cage” not “my awesome robot.”

The tiger bounded joyfully out of his cage. So many new smells, so many slow, chubby mammals to eat. Rotwang pressed the red button again and the cage door slammed shut.

“You idiot, what’s the point of that?” Maverick grabbed the remote out of Rotwang’s hand and pounded him on the head with it. The tiger paused on his way to the cake, golden eyes caught by their movements. The baker, who had crouched behind the cake as if it was the real Mr. Legend, crawled slowly to the door.

“That’s a tiger,” Rotwang said. “When you said Wild Tiger was in the show, I thought you meant the hero, not the animal.”

Maverick pressed the red button, and the door to the tiger’s cage swung open. If the cage can keep the tiger inside, then it can also keep it outside and away from me, he thought. I don’t have to run faster than the tiger, I just have to run faster than Rotwang.

“That’s a real tiger,” Rotwang repeated. “It’s perfect.” He reached in his pocket and pulled out the “my awesome robot” remote. He pushed the red button, and much to the surprise of both Maverick and the tiger, the cake sat up, pushed itself off the trolley, and with fondant bending and cracking, stood on its feet.

“My greatest triumph!” Rotwang shouted. “Fight that tiger,” he ordered, pressing the remote’s X button repeatedly. Mr. Legend punched the air. “Finish it!” He held down the triangle and O while tapping the X. Nothing happened. Unimpressed, the tiger strolled out the door and on to the stage. After a few more complicated combinations, Mr. Legend strutted after him.

Barnaby was bored. This show, which was supposed to be special, a birthday present, was merely a flashier version of the ones held every year at the park. Wild Tiger, the hero who supposedly had the same power, hadn’t even shown up. In a way, Barnaby didn’t mind. Meeting someone with the same power would be weird, like talking to a stranger and finding out he was secretly your brother. Feeling connected to someone you didn’t know was kind of creepy. “Think of it as sharing the same hobby,” Mr. Maverick had said; of course, it wasn’t something a normal person like him could understand.

Pink Diamond perched on Rock Bison’s shoulder, crossbow held at an angle intended to display her costume rather than deter criminals. At a signal from the control booth, she fired and pink glitter swirled over the audience, which sighed appreciatively. Barnaby tried to check the time, but the wrist communicator’s problems weren’t limited to its poor voice recognition software. It also lacked a light.

The tiger sneezed as the glitter irritated his nose and throat. He tried to roar, but sneezed again as the glitter settled around him. The half-sneeze, half-roar that came out of him was generally thought to be cute, and a few audience members turned on their video cameras in case it happened again.

“What’s next?” Rock Bison asked as he watched the tiger preening in the spotlight. He regretted his decision to skip reading the script and trust Pink Diamond with all of the dialogue in the show. Not that he wanted to memorize lines, but it would have been good to know about the tiger ahead of time.

“Not in the script,” she slid down to whisper in his ear. “Is that a real tiger? I don’t have my crossbow or body armor with me today.” He could feel her shaking as she clung to his shoulders. Rock Bison wanted to say something about protecting her, but all that came out was a grunt. The tiger, feeling a bit better, roared.

The announcer’s smooth voice filled the theater. “Ladies and gentlemen, I’m afraid we’re experiencing technical difficulties. Please proceed to your nearest exit.” It’s possible the audience might have restrained its natural curiosity about the outcome of a battle between two heroes and a tiger, but any desire to leave was halted by the appearance of Mr. Legend. He punched and kicked his way on the stage, leaving a trail of crumbs and icing behind him. The audience cheered.

The tiger was happy to see Mr. Legend. He attacked, joyfully biting into his arm with a noisy crunch. The audience cheered even louder, completely ignoring the announcer’s pleas to find the nearest exit. The tiger pinned Mr. Legend to the ground, knocking cake off the robot’s metal frame.

Maverick pushed his way through the crowd. “Barnaby, we have to leave immediately.” A chunk of cake flew past them. The tiger was a messy eater.

Barnaby sniffed disdainfully. “Is that my cake? I don’t like Nutella,” he said.

“They’re one of the sponsors. We really need to go. The tiger isn’t part of the show.”

“You know, I didn’t even want this party.” Barnaby’s eyes glowed blue as he rode waves of annoyance, self-pity, and anger until his power fully activated. “And now you’re telling me that I don’t even get cake. It’s not fair!” He jumped on the stage and kicked the robot’s head. A few people clapped, but many in the audience were confused by this plot twist. Wasn’t Mr. Legend the hero? The tiger growled at Barnaby, who growled back and punched him in the nose. This shocked the tiger, who had always been treated politely by the humans at the Wild Tiger Safari Experience. “I never wanted a party,” Barnaby sobbed, as he punched the tiger again, a knockout blow.

The audience cheered wildly as Barnaby stood in the spotlight.

\----------

Tomoe and Kaede found Mr. Maverick before Kotetsu did. They were chatting backstage as the trainer supervised the workers who were loading the tiger’s cage on the truck. Mr. Maverick was smiling, and at one point tugged playfully on the ear of Kaede’s costume. It was a good sign; he obviously couldn’t be too mad about Kotetsu missing the party.

“Your wife was just telling me that she’s been a fan of the show since the beginning,” Maverick said as Kotetsu approached.

“I taped every episode. It’s too bad we don’t have a player anymore because I’d love to watch those old shows with my daughter,” Tomoe said.

“We haven’t announced it yet, but we will be releasing a box set of the first two seasons just in time for Christmas. I’ll see that you get one.”

“Thank you! Say thank you to the nice man, Kaede,” Tomoe said. Kaede shook her head.

“Papa.” She wriggled and waved her arms at Kotetsu, who took her from Tomoe’s arms.

“Thanks, Mr. Maverick,” Kotetsu said. “I’m sorry about little Billy’s party,” he added as Maverick walked away.

“I think it’s Barnaby, not Billy,” but her husband and daughter weren’t listening, opting for an enthusiastic game of peek-a-boo instead.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading this! I realized after I started writing that except for Wild Tiger and Rock Bison, the heroes are fairly new at the beginning of the show. As much as I wanted Sky High zooming around in the background, he didn't get his powers until he was 22, so he definitely wasn't a hero when Barnaby was in high school. Sky High vs. a zoo animal will have to wait for another day.


End file.
